Confidence is key, whether in the workplace, social settings, or personal relationships. Being confident projects self-assurance, capability, and positivity, making others more likely to trust you and feel comfortable around you. Yet, without realizing it, certain phrases we use can undermine that confidence, making us appear unsure or insecure. By becoming more mindful of these expressions, you can shift your language to exude greater confidence and self-belief.
Below are 12 common phrases that make you sound less confident and what you should say instead to ensure you’re putting your best foot forward.
1. “You can decide what we do.”
This phrase suggests a reluctance or inability to make decisions. It can make you seem unsure or unwilling to assert your desires. While collaboration is important, constantly deferring to others can imply a lack of self-assurance.
What to say instead:
“I would like to do this, but we can talk about what works for both of us.”
Expressing your preference shows you’re confident in your decision-making while still being considerate of the other person’s opinion.
2. “Well, that was a failure.”
Labeling something as a failure focuses on the negative and reinforces a lack of self-confidence. Mistakes and setbacks are part of life, but labeling them as complete failures can harm your self-image and lower others’ perception of your resilience.
What to say instead:
“I’ve learned a lot from this experience and can do better next time.”
By framing challenges as learning opportunities, you show that you’re adaptable and capable of growth.
3. “Never” or “Always”
Using absolutes like “never” or “always” can make you seem inflexible and unable to view situations objectively. These words can also suggest a lack of openness to possibilities and growth.
What to say instead:
Eliminate these absolutes from your vocabulary.
Speaking with more nuance, such as “often” or “sometimes,” will make you sound more thoughtful and reasonable.
4. “I have to do it.”
This phrase makes tasks sound like burdens or obligations, implying a lack of control over your own life. It may also suggest that you’re overwhelmed or unable to manage your responsibilities confidently.
What to say instead:
“I get to do this and gain new experiences.”
This alternative highlights the opportunity in every task, demonstrating a positive outlook and an ability to see the value in challenges.
5. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
Focusing on what you should have done implies regret and self-doubt, which weakens your confidence. It’s natural to feel this way at times, but constantly verbalizing these thoughts can make others question your decision-making.
What to say instead:
“Now I know what to do differently next time.”
Reframing mistakes as lessons learned shows growth, resilience, and an ability to move forward positively.
6. “You’re so much better than me at this.”
While it may seem humble, constantly comparing yourself to others reveals insecurity. It diminishes your own abilities and can make others see you as less capable.
What to say instead:
“Maybe I can learn from you and improve my skills.”
This statement shifts the focus from comparison to growth, making you appear eager to learn and confident in your potential to improve.
7. “What do you think about my opinion on this?”
Seeking validation for your thoughts implies uncertainty in your own perspective. While it’s good to be open to feedback, constantly needing reassurance can signal a lack of confidence in your judgment.
What to say instead:
“This is my opinion.”
Stating your thoughts directly shows self-assurance and leaves room for healthy discussion without seeking approval.
8. “Why does this stuff keep happening to me?”
This phrase conveys victimhood, which makes you sound helpless and lacking control over your circumstances. It suggests that you’re powerless in the face of difficulties.
What to say instead:
“I am learning from these experiences and can handle challenges.”
Acknowledging the learning process shows resilience and demonstrates your ability to overcome obstacles rather than being overwhelmed by them.
9. “I hope no one judges me.”
Expressing fear of judgment implies insecurity. It makes you seem overly concerned with others’ opinions, detracting from your authenticity and self-confidence.
What to say instead:
“I am proud of who I am and enjoy life in my own way.”
This alternative showcases self-acceptance and confidence, encouraging others to respect your individuality and authenticity.
10. “It’s too hard.”
Saying something is too difficult implies that you don’t believe in your own ability to handle challenges. This can make you seem less capable and deter others from seeing you as someone who can overcome difficulties.
What to say instead:
“This is more challenging than I expected, but I’ll figure it out.”
This alternative shows that you’re willing to put in the effort to learn and grow, even when things get tough.
11. “I should try that.”
When you say you “should” do something, it creates unnecessary pressure and makes it seem like you’re not fully in control of your decisions. It’s a passive approach to taking action.
What to say instead:
“I will do it because it aligns with my goals.”
Taking ownership of your decisions shows determination and intentionality, two hallmarks of a confident individual.
12. “This isn’t fair.”
This phrase focuses on the negative aspects of a situation and paints you as a victim of unfair circumstances. It can make you seem powerless and stuck, unable to move forward.
What to say instead:
“While this isn’t what I expected, I can handle it and learn from the situation.”
This reframing shows that you can handle challenges and keep a level head in difficult situations, reinforcing your sense of control and capability.
Final Thoughts on Avoiding Phrases That Undermine Your Confidence
Becoming aware of the language you use can have a profound impact on how others perceive you and how you feel about yourself. By consciously choosing more confident phrases, you not only project a stronger, more capable version of yourself but also reinforce your belief in your own abilities. With practice, these simple shifts in language will become second nature, allowing you to exude the confidence that leads to success in all areas of life.