Samantha X, once known as Australia’s most sought-after escort, has shared her observations from her years working in the adult industry, shedding light on why some married men choose to seek companionship outside of their marriages. A former journalist, Samantha left her traditional career in her late 30s and spent a decade in the adult industry before moving on to establish an agency for mature women. Her candid reflections reveal that many of these men turn to an escort not only for physical intimacy but often for reasons more complex and emotionally rooted. Through her work, she identified several key motivations that drive married men to seek these connections.
A Desire for Genuine Connection and Emotional Openness
During her time as an escort, Samantha observed that one of the most common reasons men sought her companionship was for a sense of connection. Contrary to common assumptions, many of these men were not simply interested in fleeting physical encounters. In fact, the most frequently requested service she provided was what the industry terms the “girlfriend experience.” This typically involved emotional companionship, listening, and offering non-judgmental support, often without physical intimacy.
Many of her clients confided in her, explaining that they felt unable to express vulnerability within their own homes. Samantha recounted that many men felt pressured to always appear strong and emotionally unshakable in front of their families, fearing they would be perceived as weak or cause worry if they shared their own struggles. When she asked them why they hadn’t turned to a counselor or therapist instead, several expressed a reluctance due to the fear of being judged or not fully understood. This perception drove them to seek connection in a space where they felt safe from the judgment they anticipated at home or in a more formal setting.
A Desire to Experience Foreplay and Non-Transactional Intimacy
A second reason men sought her companionship, according to Samantha, was due to feeling a lack of shared intimacy in their relationships, specifically the absence of foreplay and a sense of emotional engagement in physical encounters. She observed that many of her clients yearned for intimacy beyond the physical, expressing a desire to connect with their partners in ways that foster a sense of mutual engagement and romance.
Many men shared with her that they missed the simple joys of spending unhurried time together, without feeling as if physical encounters were just another task to be checked off. For many, it was the emotional closeness of being physically intimate that was missing from their marriages. Some of her clients reported that feelings of rejection had caused them to withdraw further, leading them to turn to outside sources where they felt appreciated and accepted.
Seeking Support or Solace After Feeling Betrayed in Their Own Relationships
The third common reason that Samantha identified was retaliation or a sense of seeking comfort after an experience of betrayal or abandonment. She recalled numerous occasions where men reached out to her after they had been cheated on by their own partners, expressing deep feelings of hurt and a need for understanding. In these cases, Samantha became more of a confidante than a romantic partner, providing a space for them to express the pain, confusion, and anger they were dealing with.
One client, she recounted, spent hours talking to her about the pain of watching his wife leave him for someone else. In another instance, a man sought her company after his wife walked out on their family, leaving him to care for their children alone. These experiences led Samantha to observe that, while many women might forgive their partner’s infidelity, some men found it difficult to overcome the blow to their self-esteem and sense of trust. For them, seeking companionship outside of their marriages became a way to regain a sense of self-worth.
Beyond Assumptions: Why This Doesn’t Always Indicate a Lack of Love or a Desire to Leave
As Samantha’s experiences have shown, the motivations for married men seeking companionship outside of their marriages are multifaceted and often extend beyond physical desires. She emphasizes that, for most men, such actions aren’t a signal that they wish to end their marriages or seek a new partner. Rather, these connections outside of marriage often reflect unmet needs or personal struggles that remain unaddressed within the bounds of their existing relationships.
Samantha’s insights serve as a reminder that the reasons people make certain choices are often complex, intertwined with personal histories, societal expectations, and the desire for genuine connection. For many of her clients, seeking the companionship of someone outside their marriage did not necessarily diminish the love they felt for their partners but reflected a search for understanding and acceptance in an environment where they felt less vulnerable to judgment.