How much sex is “normal”? It’s a question couples have been quietly asking for decades — and now one leading sex therapist has finally given a definitive answer. But it’s not the number anyone expected.
Dr. Emily Morse, a certified sex therapist and author of *Smart Sex*, says most couples have it all wrong when it comes to measuring sexual health by frequency. “It’s not about how often you’re doing it — it’s about whether you’re both satisfied,” she told BBC News. Still, when pressed for numbers, Morse said research shows there’s a “sweet spot” — and it’s much less than what pop culture leads us to believe.
According to new data from the Kinsey Institute, couples who have sex once a week are the happiest. “Beyond once a week, happiness levels plateau,” Morse explained. “Having more sex doesn’t necessarily make you happier — but having less can create disconnection if needs aren’t discussed.”
“The magic number is once a week,” says sex therapist Emily Morse — not every day, not once a month. Just enough to stay connected. @PopBase
The finding might sound surprisingly low, but Morse says it reflects what she sees in practice. “Couples often come to me panicking because they’ve gone from three times a week to once a week after having kids or stressful jobs,” she said in a recent interview. “But that doesn’t mean anything’s wrong. It just means your connection has changed — and that’s okay.”
In fact, she warns that obsessing over frequency can damage relationships. “The number isn’t the goal — it’s the communication,” she told CNN. “If you’re having sex once a week and both feel close and fulfilled, that’s perfect. But if you’re having sex three times a week and feel distant, that’s the real problem.”
The “once-a-week rule” has been echoed by psychologists for years, including a large-scale study from the University of Toronto that analyzed data from more than 30,000 people. The researchers found that couples who had sex weekly reported the highest relationship satisfaction, while those who had it more frequently saw no additional boost in happiness.
“Quality matters far more than quantity,” explained Dr. Laurie Mintz, author of *Becoming Cliterate*. “You can have daily sex that’s robotic or disconnected, or once-a-week sex that’s passionate and emotionally rich. Guess which one strengthens your bond?”
“Once a week seems to be the gold standard for long-term satisfaction,” says psychologist Laurie Mintz. @guardian
Social media reactions to Morse’s comments have been divided. On X, one user joked, “Once a week? That’s cute. I’m lucky if my partner remembers what I look like.” Another wrote, “Finally, some realistic advice. Not everyone has movie-star energy after work and kids.”
Morse says one of the biggest misconceptions is that sex frequency naturally defines relationship success. “There’s this myth that passionate couples are always in bed together,” she told USA Today. “But many couples with incredible intimacy have far less sex than people think — it’s emotional closeness that keeps desire alive.”
She also addressed the double standard between men and women when it comes to initiating intimacy. “Men are socialized to feel pressure to always want sex, while women are often shamed for it,” she said. “That imbalance creates silent resentment. The healthiest relationships are those where both partners feel safe to express what they need — without guilt.”
According to a recent survey of 2,000 Americans, the most common reason for a decline in sex frequency is not infidelity or boredom — it’s exhaustion. “We’re living in an age of burnout,” said Dr. Mintz. “By the time most couples hit the pillow, they’re not thinking about passion — they’re thinking about sleep.”
“Stop comparing your sex life to TikTok couples — once a week is perfectly normal,” therapist says. @itvnews
Experts recommend redefining intimacy beyond physical contact. “Connection can happen through touch, eye contact, or shared rituals,” said Morse. “Some of the happiest couples I know schedule weekly date nights and let sex happen naturally, instead of forcing it.”
Relationship counselor Esther Perel agrees, noting that couples should focus on eroticism as a living, breathing energy rather than a checklist item. “Desire doesn’t thrive under pressure,” she said. “It thrives under curiosity, surprise, and emotional safety.”
So, what’s the real takeaway? There’s no magic formula — but for most couples, once a week seems to be the sweet spot where connection and desire meet. “That’s not a quota,” Morse insists. “It’s just what research shows works best on average. The real question isn’t ‘how often,’ but ‘how meaningful.’”
“If you’re happy, you’re doing it right. Frequency is just math — intimacy is the art.” — Dr. Emily Morse @BBCWorld
As the clip from Morse’s recent appearance on *The Today Show* racks up millions of views, it seems the internet’s obsession with “how much is enough” isn’t slowing down anytime soon. But if Morse’s advice holds true, maybe the answer isn’t more — it’s better.
“We need to stop treating sex like a scoreboard,” she concluded. “It’s not about the number of times. It’s about the number of times it matters.”
