Neil Patrick Harris has built a public image around humor, charm, and his tightly knit family — but behind that cheerful façade lies a deeply personal choice he and his husband David Burtka made years ago. The actor has quietly shared that he doesn’t want to know which one of his twins is biologically his. It’s a decision rooted not in secrecy, but in something far more intimate — a belief about what family truly means.
In a candid interview with Rolling Stone, Harris revealed that he and Burtka intentionally chose not to find out which of their fraternal twins — Harper and Gideon — carries his DNA. “We didn’t want to know,” he said simply. “It doesn’t matter to us. We’re both their dads.”
The twins, born via surrogate in 2010, each share genetic material from either Harris or Burtka. But the couple made a deliberate choice to keep the biological details private — even from themselves. “We agreed early on that it wouldn’t define our roles as parents,” Harris explained. “Love did that. Not biology.”
“We agreed early on that it wouldn’t define our roles as parents. Love did that. Not biology.” — Neil Patrick Harris @RollingStone
According to a 2014 interview with People, the couple used both of their sperm to fertilize two donor eggs, which were then implanted in their surrogate. The result: fraternal twins with the unique possibility of each being biologically related to one of the fathers. But Harris and Burtka never requested the lab to reveal which embryo came from whom.
Family law experts told The New York Times that their decision is rare — but not unheard of among same-sex couples using surrogacy. “It’s a way of creating a family where genetic connection isn’t prioritized over emotional connection,” one specialist explained. “They’ve chosen equality over biology.”
For Harris, the decision also reflects a rejection of the idea that biology makes a parent. “I never wanted one of them to grow up feeling more or less connected to me,” he told Vanity Fair. “They’re both mine. Period.”
“They’re both mine. Period.” — Neil Patrick Harris on why he doesn’t want to know which twin is biologically his @VanityFair
The actor’s decision has been widely praised as an example of how modern families are reshaping traditional ideas of parenthood. LGBTQ+ advocates told HuffPost that Harris’s openness “helps normalize the idea that families are made through love, not just blood.”
Harris and Burtka’s approach has also played out in the way they raise their children. Friends of the couple told E! News that their parenting is “fully shared” — from school drop-offs to bedtime stories — with no distinctions between “biological” and “non-biological” roles. “They’ve always been a team,” one friend said. “That’s the foundation of their family.”
And it’s not just about shielding the kids from labels. Harris has hinted in several interviews that part of the decision was also to protect their relationship as parents. “We didn’t want it to ever be used as a weapon,” he said in an appearance on TODAY. “Not by us. Not by anyone else. It’s nobody’s business but ours and theirs.”
“We didn’t want it to ever be used as a weapon. Not by us. Not by anyone else.” — Neil Patrick Harris @TODAYshow
In Hollywood, where personal details often become currency, Harris’s ability to keep this private for more than a decade is remarkable. Reporters who have covered the couple’s family for years told The Hollywood Reporter that this level of control over their narrative is rare. “They’ve been intentional every step of the way,” one journalist noted. “It’s why they’ve remained a family first, public figures second.”
Psychologists say the decision could also positively impact the twins as they grow up. “When children are raised in environments where love is emphasized over genetic hierarchy, their sense of belonging is often stronger,” a family therapist explained to BBC News. “It removes unnecessary comparison and reinforces unity.”
On social media, fans have reacted with admiration. Hashtags like #NeilPatrickHarris, #LoveNotBiology, and #ModernFamilies began trending on X shortly after clips of his interview circulated. “This is what real parenthood looks like,” one user wrote. Another added, “Blood doesn’t make family. Love does.”
“Blood doesn’t make family. Love does.” — Public reaction to Harris’s parenting decision @people
In a world where celebrity families often become tabloid fodder, Harris and Burtka’s quiet but deliberate choice stands out as both radical and deeply human. “I don’t need to know,” Harris said during the interview. “I love them both. That’s all that matters.”
