Sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox has revealed what she calls the “magic number” for how often couples should be having sex — and the answer has left many people both surprised and relieved.
Speaking in an interview with Daily Mail, the best-selling author and relationship psychologist said that while there’s no one-size-fits-all formula, research consistently shows that couples who have sex once a week report the highest levels of happiness, intimacy, and long-term relationship satisfaction. “More isn’t necessarily better,” Cox explained. “It’s about quality, connection, and consistency.”
The revelation comes after years of social media myths and viral “sex challenges” that have pushed unrealistic expectations about what a “healthy” relationship should look like. “People think if you’re not doing it every other night, your relationship is doomed,” she told Cosmopolitan. “But the science says something very different.”
“Tracey Cox says once a week is the sweet spot for couples — enough to feel connected, not pressured.” @PopBase
According to studies cited by Cox, including one from The University of Chicago, couples who have sex weekly are just as happy as those who have it more often — and far happier than those who have it less. “It’s not a competition,” she said. “Once a week is enough to maintain emotional and physical intimacy without turning it into a chore.”
But that “magic number” isn’t about routine — it’s about intentionality. Cox explained that sex, when treated as a shared experience rather than a marital obligation, keeps partners emotionally tuned in to one another. “It’s not about ticking a box,” she said. “It’s about reminding each other: I still choose you.”
Still, she acknowledged that life often gets in the way. “Work stress, kids, hormones, health — they all interfere,” she said. “The couples who last aren’t the ones who never stop having sex; they’re the ones who talk about why they’re not.”
Her comments have reignited debate online, with couples comparing their own routines and sharing how intimacy fluctuates over time. “Once a week sounds doable,” one user wrote on X. “I thought we were failing — turns out we’re right on schedule.” Another joked, “Once a week? With toddlers? That’s aspirational.”
“Research shows couples who have sex weekly are happier — but the key isn’t the frequency, it’s the connection.” @Reuters
Cox has long been one of the most outspoken figures in modern relationship advice, known for blending scientific research with no-nonsense humor. In her book Supersex, she famously wrote: “Good sex isn’t about gymnastics or lingerie — it’s about how you look at each other afterward.”
In this latest interview, she warned against what she calls “sexual inflation” — the cultural pressure to constantly escalate intimacy to prove passion. “Social media has convinced people that sex has to be wild or constant to be fulfilling,” she said. “But the happiest couples aren’t having porn-level marathons — they’re having small, meaningful moments regularly.”
She also pointed to psychological research from Psychology Today showing that too much sex can actually reduce satisfaction by creating performance anxiety and fatigue. “It’s like dessert,” Cox quipped. “You enjoy it more when you’re not stuffed full of it.”
While once-a-week intimacy might sound low to some, it’s backed by data. A 2015 study from the Social Psychological and Personality Science journal found that couples who had sex once a week reported higher emotional closeness and well-being — but that happiness didn’t increase for those who had it more frequently. “After that point, the return starts to flatten out,” Cox explained.
“Tracey Cox: ‘It’s not about how often you have sex, it’s how you feel when you do.’” @guardian
Cox emphasized that there’s no shame in having more or less — what matters most is that both partners feel satisfied. “If you’re both happy with once a month or three times a day, that’s perfectly fine,” she said. “But when one person feels neglected or pressured, that’s where resentment builds.”
Experts agree. Relationship therapist Dr. Hannah Stevenson said the once-a-week rule works because it “balances physical intimacy with emotional bandwidth.” “It’s enough to keep the bond alive,” she explained, “but not so much that it feels like another job.”
The conversation has also shed light on how modern couples define connection. “In long-term relationships, emotional intimacy often becomes more important than sexual frequency,” said Cox. “Holding hands, touching, talking — it’s all part of the same language.”
Some fans online praised Cox for her refreshing realism. “Finally, someone saying it’s okay not to be doing it all the time,” one woman wrote on Reddit. “We’ve been together ten years, and sometimes cuddling on the couch is enough.”
Others joked that the “magic number” sounded suspiciously optimistic. “Once a week? Tell that to parents of newborns,” one commenter quipped. Another replied, “I’ll settle for once a month and a nap.”
“Couples who maintain consistent intimacy — even just weekly — report higher trust and longer-lasting love.” @nytimes
Cox insists the key isn’t the number, but the mindset. “It’s about intentional connection,” she said. “You can have great sex once a week and feel more bonded than couples who do it daily but don’t look each other in the eye.”
Her advice to couples feeling disconnected? Start small. “Don’t aim for sex — aim for closeness. Touch more, kiss longer, say something kind. When you rebuild that emotional bridge, sex follows naturally.”
For those wondering whether they’re “normal,” Cox says the answer is simpler than people think: “If you both feel wanted and fulfilled, you’re doing just fine. Forget what Instagram says.”
It’s an answer that might not satisfy clickbait culture — but it’s one that feels refreshingly human. As Cox put it: “Love doesn’t live in numbers. It lives in the moments you make each other feel seen.”